


Awake, for ever in a sweet unrest

by UisceOneLove



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Billy Hargrove Lives, Billy Hargrove Recovery, Billy Hargrove has a heart, F/F, First Kiss, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Jim "Chief" Hopper Lives, M/M, Mentioned Canon Physical and Mental Abuse, Not Season/Series 03 Compliant, Soft Billy Hargrove, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29368104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UisceOneLove/pseuds/UisceOneLove
Summary: There are a lot of things people didn't know about Billy Hargrove. Now that he's helped save Hawkins, Steve realizes that even Billy needs a soft touch.
Relationships: Background Eleven | Jane Hopper/Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Comments: 4
Kudos: 49
Collections: Angst and Hurt/Comfort Prompts





	Awake, for ever in a sweet unrest

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [angstandhcprompts](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/angstandhcprompts) collection. 



> Title is from "Bright Star" by John Keats, for reasons.
> 
> So even though I have it in the tags, there are points in this fic where it is mentioned or talked about that Billy's been abused by his father. So consider this the extra trigger warning.

No one was used to how quiet Billy was these days.

Not like he was some kind of doll or empty inside or something. Jane confirmed that for everyone one night when they'd gathered at Steve's place to talk.

"He has scars, like me," She'd said, full of contemplation while Max held her hand. "His Papa isn't a good man."

Like when Eleven had survived the Upside Down, Hopper was the one who decided to take Billy in after Starcourt. Before Jane's revelation about Neil Hargrove, Hopper had already sensed something dark about the man and had threatened him to keep Neil away from Billy. 

Max leaned into Eleven, the two girls sharing comfort over the boy who they now sought to protect. Steve remembered how distraught she was when they thought Billy wasn't going to make it. How she couldn't comprehend the gravity of Billy saving her girlfriend and using his almost last breath to make amends with her.

"He's quiet now," Max said. "It's weird. He's  _ nice _ . I don't--how do I even interact with him?"

That was a good question.

Steve didn't know how to interact with Billy initially either. What did someone say?  _ Oh, hi, you nearly beat me to death last Halloween but it's all cool now since I'm sorry you got possessed by the Mindflayer and almost died saving Max and Jane? _

It's one big, awkward mouthful.

So Steve didn't say anything.

But he also wanted to help. Billy got a ruder awakening into the Upside Down shit than Steve did. And Billy  _ did _ decide to put two kids' lives ahead of his own. 

Steve didn't say anything. But he helped. He came by when he wasn't working, sometimes before his shifts at the movie rental store, sometimes after. Offer up some cigarettes, clean and bandage Billy's chest, make sure he put in an effort to eat. Whatever.

"How's Hargrove?" Robin would ask on the days he'd show up late to work.

Steve would toss his things under the counter, grab the box of returns, and give her the same answer. 

"He's alive."

Some nights, Steve would bring store-bought cookies and dinner. Jane and Max would sit on either side of Billy on the couch, cartoons on the television, and both hold one of his hands. Billy wouldn't say anything at all. But Steve could see how tight he held onto the girls. 

Billy would let them hug him when it was time for their dates, wish them luck, and then he'd hover.

"Got another book?" Steve would clumsily ask in search of something to say. He'd noticed that Max would visit the bookstore every week, and the couple of paperbacks she'd walk out with would then appear in the room Billy's staying in.

"Yeah," Billy nodded stiffly. 

"Tell me about them."

"Do you really care about them, Harrington?" Billy asked the first time, nothing with animosity like it would have been a couple of months ago. But confused.

Steve shrugged. "I don't do the reading myself, so I might as well hear someone tell me about them."

Billy eyed him like he was nuts, but after a few minutes of consideration, the blond sat down on the couch again and told Steve all about Stephen King's  _ Pet Semetary _ . 

Steve had nightmares for a few nights after that but he decided it was worth it.

That was their routine for a month. Steve would hang out even on the nights he didn't work, just to give Billy someone to talk to freely. Billy told him about the poems of John Keats,  _ Dante's Inferno _ ,  _ Carrie _ ,  _ The Time Machine _ , and sometimes Steve would even ask Billy to read him a few chapters. Without harsh words coming out of his mouth, Billy's voice was melodic and soothing. At least to Steve.

So they'd managed to actually be friends. Steve laid awake one night considering the possibility that it might have happened last year, if the circumstances were different. That there could have been a chance if Billy's home life hadn't hardened him into someone who had to be careless about others and lash out to make people hurt the way he was. 

It was a sad life. 

Steve would rather have the neglect he does than a parent who would put hands on him.

It also infuriated Steve.

Because only scum, only a coward, would beat their kid. Only a coward would use poisoned words to devalue their child's self-worth.

"Are you guys heading out already?" Steve just stepped into Hopper's place. He had a bag of burgers from the diner and some milkshakes that he'd picked up on the way over, but Max and Jane had their bags and jackets already on.

"Lucas called and said we're doing a movie party at Mike's," Max told him. "Jonathan's picking us up."

"He's almost here," Jane nodded, and Steve didn't have to doubt that. He still didn't get her powers completely, just rolled with it. 

"More food for us, then," Steve said as he set the food down at the table. "Billy in his room?"

The girls frowned at each other. "He's been in the bathroom for a while," Max replied.

Steve's eyes immediately went down the hall. Jane shook her head before he could ask anything. 

"He's making a big decision," she said, all the explanation she was going to give. "Not hurt."

The girls might be fine with that but Steve wasn't. Locking one's self in a bathroom for several minutes didn't come off as a good thing, ever.

A car horn sounded from outside that had the girls moving on and out the door. 

"We'll have Jane back by eleven!" Max said, halfway outside.

Jane paused, doorknob in her hand, to look at Steve. She gave him a sunny smile. "Today is good," she promised, and then they were gone.

With that helpful tidbit, Steve shucked his jacket and left it with the food to go down the hall. It was a short hall, so it only took a handful of steps to reach the bathroom. He rapped his knuckles against the door, trying not to physically cross his fingers that Billy wasn't in there bleeding.

"Billy? It's Steve. The girls said you've been in there a while."

There was some shuffling on the other side, something clinking, and then he was face-to-face with Billy. It was the first time seeing Billy look guilty and Steve can't say that he enjoyed it. "I was just…"

Steve shook his head. "You don't have to tell me. Just so long as you're fine."

Billy opened the door wider, and Steve could see a hair kit on the sink. He remembered when Hopper had bought it to take care of Jane's hair himself. That was quickly forbidden after the first try.

"You were trying to cut your hair," Steve said stupidly, his brain not computing. Billy's mullet has grown out and looks a lot wilder, uneven, since it hasn't been touched. But he just didn't stop to think about it. 

Billy sneered, but it was marred by the oozing self-deprecation that Steve could see coming off of the blond. "Yeah. Didn't get that far."

Steve pushed up his sleeves, observing the blond. It wasn't some physical roadblock, that much he was smart enough to figure out. Whether it was Billy afraid of himself or unable to take some final push to finish whatever changes he's been going through lately, there was a pit in Steve's stomach that wanted the insecurity to go away. 

Steve wanted to be the one to make it go away. He wanted to feel useful.

"I take care of my own hair," he said, laying it out there as nonchalantly as he could. "I could do it for you. If you wanted."

It was the last thing Steve expected for himself but the past two years made a lot of unexpected things happen around him. It was par for the course.

Billy stared at him strangely, unable to settle on one thing to feel. His hand fell away from the door only to hang limply at his side. "You want to cut my hair for me?"

"It's not a big deal," Steve replied, "it takes time to get my hair to look this good all the time. I figure I should take pity and help you stop looking like a homeless person."

Billy snorted, letting his tongue press against the back of his teeth before he nodded his head sharply. "All right, Harrington. But if you fuck it up, I'll fuck  _ you _ up."

That's the first time in a while he's heard Billy say something close to a threat. The blond realizes it, too, and the easy demeanor just drops. "Sorry," he said quickly, retreating back into the bathroom.

The threat hadn't made Steve feel scared. He could see the reflex for what it was, Billy's defense mechanism. Steve was making him nervous. He didn't know how to feel about that. The brunet went back to the living room and grabbed one of the stools by the kitchen, then carried it down and set it in front of the mirror so Billy could sit.

Billy shifted in the seat and avoided looking at the mirror, his hands a pair of curling and unfurling fists in his lap. Steve didn't say anything about it to give Billy a way of space in the close quarters. Whatever Billy was thinking, it wouldn't be an easy pry if asked. The brunet took a look at the hair kit, unzipped but untouched. So Billy hadn't even gotten himself to take anything out. He found an unused comb inside and some hair shears, even a small squirt bottle that he took a few seconds to fill up in the sink before he stood behind the other boy. 

"Just a trim?" Steve checked, reaching over again to dig out some hair clips that were in the bottom of the kit and slipping them between his teeth. He didn't get an immediate response, which made him look at the mirror. Billy was sucking on his tongue, deep in concentration. "Billy?" he tried again. This time, the boy looked up and meet his eyes through the reflection.

"I want it gone."

Steve stared for a second before blinking in confusion. "Gone?"

"Gone," Billy repeated.

"How...how  _ much _ do you want gone?"

Bily didn't answer, but Steve was starting to feel a bit like he didn't know for sure. It was going to be a guessing game until Billy sees what he's looking for. 

That's a lot of trust to put in Steve, and he wanted to be able to prove it to not be a terrible decision.

So Steve keeps it at gradual increments. He sprays Billy's hair and combs through the golden strands carefully, feeling the tension all through Billy's back and shoulders. He takes his time with the knots, carding his fingers through to be sure the tangles are gone.

With every brush and touch from Steve to Billy's scalp, he hears the change in Billy's breathing. He feels it when the tension starts to ebb away. 

When was the last time, if ever, that Billy was touched by someone without it being under the guise of sex or violence?

Once Steve was confident of the hair being without any more tangles or knots, he was able to move on to the cutting itself. He could see through the reflection that Billy looked a little spaced out, and briefly, Steve felt a flash of concern.

"Billy? You with me?"

It looked like it was an effort for Billy to meet his eyes this time. "Yeah," he mumbled, slowly blinking. 

"You'll tell me when you want me to stop, right?"

"Yeah," he mumbled again, then fell back into the quiet.

With a watchful eye, Steve proceeded to start snipping away. Mullets weren't Steve's favorite hairstyle to begin with, looked absurd in the best of choices and completely disgusting in the worst. It was the curls that helped it look half-decent on Billy when he was invested in grooming himself back before the events of July. 

Now, small pieces of Billy's hair fall to the floor with each cut Steve made. He never let it get uneven, in case the next cut will be the one Billy gives him the official red light on. It goes from being a mullet to any unkempt druggie, to something similar to what it was over the summer, brushing against Billy's tanned shoulders, then to what it was when he swooped into town last Fal. 

Still, no word from Billy, so Steve kept going. 

Soon, the mullet was gone completely, and his words made sense. 

"Stop," Billy finally spoke up, still looking dazed but firm. Steve took a step back, observing with Billy as the boy's finger timidly came up to brush over the shorter hair. The blond strands now came to a soft stop a little past the tip of Bily's wars, still holding a natural wave to them while damp. It made Billy look kind of like he belonged in one of those romantic period dramas that Robin would tease him with, innocent and debonair.

Billy looked reborn if someone wanted to call it that.

There was some awareness coming back to the baby blues the longer Billy looked the new appearance over. 

"Is it okay?" 

Billy's eyes flicked up to him. Pink fashed as his tongue darted along his bottom lip. Then, he nodded. "You did good, Harrington."

Pride bloomed, bright and crisp, through Steve's chest. He busied himself with stuffing the clips and scissors back into the kitt so that he would be the only one aware of his blush. "You look like a human being again," he deflected, earning a chuckle from the other boy.

"Guess I do."

Steve decided to comb through Billy's hair one last time so that it fell right. His fingers followed each run of the comb, feeling the softness now that Billy's hair had a second chance at life just like its owner. It was during one of these strokes that Steve's fingers found a ridge of skin. Steve tensed, as did Billy. Without breaking eye contact, Steve felt along the ridge and had a heavy sinking in his stomach as he pieced together it was a scar. A line, no longer than an inch, hidden against his scalp.

Billy's face was carefully neutral. A mask, waiting to see how Steve was going to react. 

Steve knows the feeling of people facing evidence of a problem with denial; as if treating it like the problem isn't there then it will go away and not be a thing. Everyone in Hawkins was like that about one thing or another. Steve was guilty of it while also being a victim to it by others. But Demigorgons and Mindflayers might it impossible to go back to that.

The Upside Down has taught Steve to carry on and face his problems.

"How old is it? Steve asked, voice measured.

Billy didn't answer, his body coiled tight like a spring. But then, all at once, he unwound and came loose in the chair. He didn't offer up any platitudes, excuses, or denials. Like those had been another thing taken away with being so close to the brink of death. 

"He slammed me into a set of metal shelves." Billy's voice was dull and detached, like he was stating a fact rather than reliving a memory. Steve guessed it was technically both, and he had no right to assume how Billy should sound while talking about it. "I was nine."

"Is he why you--"

"Yeah, Harrington," Billy cut him off. "All of it is yes. Threatening Sinclair, intimidating Max, beating you to a pulp. I did it all, and he was the catalyst. It doesn't make me any less of a poor excuse of a person."

"Billy--"

"If Max fucked up, I'm the one who got the end of it, all right? Because it was supposed to be my job as the big brother to keep her in line. Max decided she wanted to befriend someone not white? My fault for not making sure she knew who the right people were. She snuck out? I'm not observant enough. Try to defend myself? I'm disrespectful and don't know what it means to have any discipline. Not like he needed a real excuse. Between my mom jumping ship and him hitting up Susan, he had plenty of time to do what he wanted without one."

Steve couldn't imagine a life like that. In fear of your own parents rather than them just being apathetic. Everyone saw the scars of it from the Byers, why they were so introverted and jumpy. Billy just chose the opposite direction without a parent there to protect him. 

He didn't want Billy to think he was speaking from pity. Steve didn't know what to do with this other than tell Hopper in case none of it was shared by Jane already. Will or Jonathan would be better off with this. But Steve did know what he wanted to say. He set the comb on the sink and stepped around to get a look at Billy's face without the help of a mirror. 

"I don't know what to say," Steve told him honestly, "and I don't do the emotional shit well. But Billy, I know that none of it is your fault, or Max's. And I know that if I have to, I will get my bat from the car and go make sure that your dad never puts a finger on any of you ever again." 

It might not be what Hopper would recommend legally but he also knew the man has been itching to do his own version of it since Jane's first revelation about everything.

Billy's face was screwed up, eyes bright as he stared at Steve. Shit. He said the wrong thing. Steve was gearing up in a panic, ready to promise he'll shove a foot in his mouth and never speak again.

"I don't know why you'd ever want to do that for me," Billy said, "but I know your track record with fights, Steve. Your one and two. It's not a fight I'd want you to ever be in."

"I would do it because your dad is a piece of shit who shouldn't get away with what he's done," Steve replied. 

"Even though it's me."

"Being an asshole doesn't create some kind of Freebie card for someone to abuse them." Billy couldn't say that he would have been this vile asshole before if it weren't for what his dad's done to him over the years. Jane said there'd been a lot of good buried inside of Billy. This recovery let the rest of them see that, too. 

Billy's lips twitched, his head tilting to the side a bit as his tongue darted out again. "Careful, Steve. Someone might think you're going soft on me. Might wanna accuse you of trying to get a date out of it."

"That's not--" 

"Relax," Billy waved him off, "I know you're not."

Steve wasn't looking for it, but it also didn't repulse him. He's liked spending time with the new Billy. They weren't threatening each other or beating the shit out of one another. Steve cared about him like the girls did. He's never been good with who he's developed feelings for but this time it's not falling for someone who is incapable of loving him. 

At least, he hoped not.

Billy stood up from the chair and took a good look at the floor. "Shit, I'll dig out Hop's broom to--"

Steve had to say that kissing Billy wasn't that bad despite neither of them being prepared for it. 

Billy tasted like cherry chapstick (unexpected) and cigarettes (very expected), a combination that Steve oddly liked. He felt when Billy got over the surprise when the other boy relaxed and pressed back into the kiss. Steve was very relieved that this didn't go the other way. 

"The fuck was that for?" Billy rumbled against his lips. His tongue darted out, this time catching Steve's too and making him shiver. 

"I'm thinking that I should really take you out for a date," Steve answered. "Consider it a payment for the haircut."

"You really want to try that with me, pretty boy?" Billy responded. 

"Yeah," Steve said as he closed the distance, "I really do."

Steve spent the rest of the night learning why so many girls couldn't resist Billy Hargrove. He officially told himself that while he wasn't experienced in it himself, he would do his best to give Billy a good and healthy relationship. One that they can both use to learn that attention shouldn't be forced and affection isn't shown through fists or pointed words.

Jane and Max both had knowing looks when they got back, and when Steve showed up to the rental store for his shift in the morning, Robin somehow was ahead of the curve.

"Need to switch shifts this weekend?" His supposed best friend asked with a smirk.

Steve stopped where he was and groaned. "Which one of them told you?"

"No one did but your stupid face, dork," Robin answered smugly. "But that doesn't answer my question."

Steve shook his head and walked away from her to the break room to clock in. He came back without looking at her and started organizing one of the science-fiction shelves. 

"Yes, I do," he answered reluctantly.

Robin grinned. "Knew it."

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and Comments are always greatly appreciated!


End file.
